back to the sf lovin

pix from post-exam stress relief night w/ katie-DA and co. at "porno" bar. such great times--hanging w/ them is always a treat cuz they're SO real and so in tune with the bare essentials. life is full of such meaningless babble and circuitous activities, it's healing to see the essence of our humanity full blast every once in a while. to hate with absolute hatred, grieve with complete desolation, love with every ounce of your being, and revel in the highest of highs, instead of the tepid and diluted emotions of an untested existence. post-exam relief always brings out the philosophical side--talk about untested. :P

spent much of the weekend recuperating from all the caffeine nights, and then went at it again for my next exam. in b/w, i had to go to sf general hospital for routine bloodwork for the volunteer clinic, and it took 5 hours of waiting and shuttling to finish a simple procedure! i couldn't complain b/c i was getting free services (i'm insurance-less at the moment cuz of that whole limbo thing), so i stuck it out, but man, wat a downer. the waiting room was packed--the homeless, the working class, non-english speaking immigrants--people falling over and unable to stand, the demented, and just waiting and waiting and waiting. and the healthcare workers are scurrying around trying their best to handle the overwhelming work flow and field the complaints. obviously, it's not their fault the system is overtaxed... i hear someone say, "mayor newsom should come here and take a look before he says everything is fine." it's not his fault either, not wholly anyway, but something should be done. the only question is, how do u fix a system so foundationally flawed? will there ever be a solution to the inequality of QOL, services (rights?), and opportunities of our societies?

i was so exhausted and depressed afterwards; it scares me to think of how i'll fare when it comes to actually executing my goals of serving the underserved. i'm not sure my heart can take the overwhelming sadness i feel when i'm in midst of suffering. it's a sadness u want to overcome but can't escape for the life of you b/c suffering like that marks you irreparably, no matter how far you've come from that point in your life.

newayz, that same day i ended things with ano and hence the goofy, sentimental posts of the last couple days. the shit hits the roof all at once. it's a lil masochistic, but i like it that way. when everything is as low as it can go, you wanna deal with all the extraneous shit in yur life then cuz your priorities gauge is at its finest acuity. i'm so done with playing around. next time life takes a turn for the serious, i want someone i can count on to get serious with me and meet me on that turbulent front, full blast.

luckily, each time your heart breaks, it seems that that old addage is true. it heals faster and you're stronger and wiser (hopefully) for the breaking and mending. exams are done for the moment, and it's gonna be a fate-determining couple of weeks coming up. davis interview on the 17th and final decisions coming in. back to the books and back to the sf lovin...