this is how i felt all day. fuck introspective essays.

i'm 23 and taking a step back, i see that i still have a lot of growth ahead of me. to one day walk with the confidence and grace of a 50-year-old woman who knows herself and exactly what she wants out of life and how she wants it, and glows with her certainty, is something i'm looking forward to.

sometimes you know it'll be bad for you--like ice cream for lactose-intolerant people, or a whole box full of gourmet chocolate cookies for someone on a diet--but you know the experience will be so f*ing good that you INDULGE. one or two bites is like a tease, because it's so good you want more. but if you have more, it's not so great anymore and you regret it afterwards. then, they complicate things by coming out with studies saying chocolate (or whatever) is good for you, but only certain types--the dark and pure kind. then i have to ask myself, do i want this chocolate everyday or just a taste? or should i try to avoid it altogether so the temptation doesn't arise? then i find myself reaching over for another bite...  

"My fair one, let us swear an eternal friendship." ~Moliere
 

just because. 

bah

inadequate sleep is no fun. i was so excited about finding housing that i couldn't take my hand off the mouse till 4:30AM, then i unrealistically set my alarm for 9AM to make it to a 11:30AM lunch in the city. HA.
din't wake up till 10:10AM, din't leave till 11:45AM, and lunch became dinner. i think i scared alfie a few times with my half-conscious driving. O_o still, i took a nice lil tour of ucsf, stopped by all the rite places, checked out the nearby housing, grabbed some yummy (but luke warm >:P) taiyaki, got lost at the marina (again), had a delish dinner at pier 39, and chocolate truffles and mini (orgasmic) donuts for dessert. plus i finally got all the s.am pix from my frenz so SCRAPBOOK TIME! i'm such a geek... :D
sigh* i luvs the city. i can't wait till i'm living there. and yay! some of my girls'll be up there too. now i jus hafto find a gud place and a lucrative job to pay the bills. and get my motorcycle license, and a nice bike. whee.
in the meantime, i need some steady income... so back to the hostess/waitress apps. xP
but for now, sweet sweet slumber.

oops

realized the link for the palm-reading site din't go up rite--but it's fixed now. :D

tomorrow i go job and pad shopping in my favorite city. if anyone has info on high paying jobs and cheap ass rent in sf, do share s'il vous plait!

i didn't know semester schools started so early. all the public sf schools started today. >:P wth, summer is not over yet! BUT cal has some kuL extension classes in sf, like medical virology ~ funfunfun. yes, i am serious. how do i get finaid for extension classes????? ?_?

i think i have malaria. i've been feeling iggy for days but no coughing or sneezing. but then again, could be pms...

jus brain farts today. verbal vomit everyday. substance is for the idle. petty details are inevitable by-products of a busybody. wth am i talking about? more vv.

i always wanted to get my palm read for the helluvit... i went once in high school with my best guy buddy at the time, howard, and some of his friends. we were standing outside the psychic lady's house (over on el camino, k-street), and they had us waiting to see madam whohaw (forgot her title). chillen in the parking lot, we started joking around about floating balls and fortunetelling (well, i sorta started it and everyone else laughed nervously), and then we realized that there was an open window next to us and they had heard everything. next thing yu kno, madam whohawhaw's doorman with the deep voice says, "madam whoblah is not seeing anyone today." so that was the end of my almost palm-reading session.

anyways, i was reminded of all this today when my cousin-in-law, peter, started reading palms and doing all this personality test stuff at dinner today (yummy galbi =9) so it got me googling, jus for the helluvit. and THEN, i found this KUUUUL site where you can get a free palm reading (sorta. yu'll see wut i mean). they send it in seconds and no catches. yay for free stuff!

http://www.ofesite.com/spirit/palm/readself.htm

Is it accurate? Probably not. Is it fun? Fun enough as a late night distraction. :)

Me palms says:

First let's take a look at your Life Line. You have the best kind of Life Line, long and clearly marked. This shows that you will possess good health, vitality and a very nice life expectancy. The wide swooping motion of your Life Line indicates strength, enthusiasm and an improved love life. The little lines you see extending downward from your Life Line are indicators of your tendency to waste your energy.

Now let's see what your Head Line had to say. Your Head Line is deep, long and straight, stretching across the palm. This indicates a logical and direct way of thinking. The straighter the line, the more realistic the thinking, and the deeper the line, the better the memory. Your Head Line is short, which tends to show a tendency towards 'physical' thinking rather than reflection. You may be impulsive. The short, upcurved quality of your Head Line indicates that you tend to have a short attention span. Some people may call you a scatterbrain. If your Head Line is forked near the middle of your palm, it shows an important new interest. If it is forked at the end, it shows a descent into second childhood. The joining of your Head Line and Life Line at the beginning indicates that your strong sense of mind generally rules over your body. You also look at childhood with a cautious and fearful outlook.

The last line we'll look at is your Heart Line. A selfish and materialistic look at love is characteristic to those like you whose Heart Line start below the middle finger. A long Heart Line like yours, running almost all the way across the palm, represents an idealist in love. In love you tend to look for those whose status rises above your own, and you have a great respect for them.

You have a conical hand. This is often the type of hand shared by people who are more interested in theory than practice. This is the hand of the imaginative and creative spirit. Professions of people who share this type of hand usually include teacher, lawyer or artist.

laughed my brains out last nite. san jose improv club was better than i expected, with nice theatre style seating and good drinks. feat some reggie steele dood, esaw something, and bill bellamy--bellamy being the most famous but esaw brought the house down. this dood was seriously drunk or something but had the greatest delivery.

one part, he gets really serious like he's seriously f*ed up, and he starts saying stuff like "we can't trust the government. you have to be careful about what people tell you; don't just believe everything they say. think about the why and question... blah blah."

and we're sitting there going, "wtf?"

then after 10 minutes of this, he goes, "blahblah...the government is brainwashing the world... like 2-ply toilet paper. i always buy the one-ply kind. wtf you need 2-ply for when you're gonna fold it up anyways? gotta think!" haha, maybe yu had to be there.

oOh..can't wait till russell peters comes to town.


www.compfused.com/directlink/765/
the famous fainting goats of tennessee. watch their tails :D

this would be so depressing if it were real... 

WOOHOO!

finally sent that sucker off! contrary to expectations, it's not easier the 2nd time. and it's not necessarily better. but hopefully, since it's kinda on time this time (noticin lotsa "times" involved with apps) i'll have a better shot at my choice schools.

geez, wut a trip.
first all the inconclusiveness of the waitlist (which is still going on btw, but i've decided to pretty much let it run its course without thought), then the big decision to reapply (see previous post), then south america, then coming back to the reality of apps. and wut a bitch. amcas really needs to update their "course work" section so that you don't have to input all of your trillion classes one slow page at a time.

MUCHAS GRACIAS to all who suffered through my OCD-ness and helped critique my essay. after 7 official drafts (prolly 20 unofficially), a stack of printer paper, a 4-hour conversation on my motivations and my atheist beliefs (latter was a tangent), and numerous outing flakes (but no more!), i am DONE. my 5300 character essay on my affinity and plans for medicine has been submitted, along with a $880 VISA payment to facilitate the process (still cringing)(cringing further thinking of the thousands more i'll spend on secondaries).

tomorrow i start job shopping. teesa the waitress--how may i serve you? :D hopefully, someone will hire my inexperienced arse b/c i need lotsa money fast. i really should pursue that bartending thing... bank AND free alcohol. :D oh and my motorcycle license! need someone to show me the ropes. SO MANY THINGS TO DO NOW THAT I'M FREE! WOOHOO!

we celebrated my daddy's 61st birthday today--well, technically, yesterday. we went to boopay (that's buffet for yu non-fobs) and sang at-home-noraebang (karaoke)--the shamefully embarrassing kind where your mom and aunt are dancing like battery-operated boogie dolls, and you're swaying back and forth with your sister and cousins slightly buzzed off wine, as your father and uncle belt out a shigol (ol skool asian country) sob-song. Funny how the shamefully embarrassing moments in life are sometimes the most enjoyable and intimate of experiences. Happy birthday, daddy. 

lol

"they say that life is a game.
they say that love is a game.
they even say that work is a game (it sure doesn't feel like it).
and that you need to play it right.

if everything's a game then where are the damn cheats. help a homie out."

one by one the pictures are coming up. :) maybe by the end of the year, i'll have a sizeable number up. here i am trying to look like a seasoned traveler on top of wayna picchu, the suuuper high peak next to macchu picchu. a bitch of a hike but worth every one of those thousand or so steps. south america was a great reminder of my dreams and goals--it fed my passion to make them all happen. funny how i needed to travel to another continent for that push. talking to a friend yesterday, i realized i am an inspiration addict. being inspired is a great drug--maybe better than crack? can't say cuz i haven't been on it, but i've been close, and inspiration works so much better. it's a nice reminder that we only have one life to live and we should make the most of it. trite but tru. 

parasailing off the coast of lima, peru. july 2005. 

oh the possibilities...

it's that time again to decide what to do with my life next. shall i travel to some exotic land and live off tubers and chicken? train to be an emt/researcher/clinician and make some moolah? explore the metropolitan life in the big apple? hit the books once more and relive my student days? or acquire my motorcycle license and be a hobo? oh the possibilities...

at the moment, only one thing is sure: i want to live largely, deeply, and fully. trace back to those days when idealistic visions were the only reality i knew and believed in. to take leaps, unafraid to follow the rose-colored image in place of the practical one. if i achieve this, it would be the greatest thing to happen to me in my post-high school life--evading the drudgery of adulthood. to eternal youth.

. 

home sweet home!

i'm finally back home! glory be! i din't know it would feel this wonderful but it is truly WONdERFUL. the sweet familiarity and comfort of home; unpacking those bags and slipping into some bummy tank and shorts, petting my dog, and hearing the heart-warming sounds of my family carrying on in their oh-so-familiar ways.

it's late but i just had to mark this momentous occasion.

song playing in my head: do yu kno the way to san jose? doodoodoodoodoodoodoodooodooodoooo.....