Chewy's a Mommy

Top to bottom: Tuesday, Lazy (aka Stuck), and Stupid

eating sadness

i hear your pain
i see your tears
your sadness emanates
it flows thru the space between you and me

i absorb the sorrow
it sinks into a deep dark well
sturdy and protected
filled with our fragility

my heart reaches out
to soften the raw nakedness
my eyes and ears are wide open
eating the heavy air

tomorrow i wake up and feel listless
my home suddenly feels too quiet and still
i neither cry for you
nor eulogize your death

but here i am
writing reflections at a cafe
heavy and thoughtful
full with sadness

...

war, loss, med school, breakup
reasons or not
explanations or not
we are just human

the well can break
it can overflow
it can be slowly emptied
and easily refilled

we eat our fill of sadness
until we can't take another ounce
then it slowly flows back out
finding any path out into the light

in our steps, in the lines around our eyes
the curve of our mouths
the sound of our voice
the color we see the sky

the way we understand the past
the way we move forward
the way i see me
and the way i see us

eating sadness
tasting it purging it
sharing it healing it
feeling it leaving it.

2009

can't believe it's 2009 already--boards are a couple months away, third year rotations begin soon after, i'm 27 in june and that's pretty dang old, trung and i are almost hitting our 2 year anniversary, and my dad's hitting the big 6-5 this year. where did the time go?

i guess it's a good thing that i wasn't counting the hours from boredom, but part of me is sad that so much time and energy had to go into school and not much else, and now 2008 is gone forever. a couple of years ago, i felt like being "old" was so far away... now it suddenly feels like there's not enough time to do everything in one lifetime. there's also this urgency... this feeling that i have to get so much done in the next few years, before my dad succumbs to his tired body and before adulthood settles in once and for all.

i hope all the sacrifices i'm making now will be ultimately worthwhile and that one day, i can make up for lost time with friends, family, art, music, travel, and life in general. 2 more years of the med school bubble and then back to the bay to pop it... if only there were more hours in the day, less sleep needed to keep my mind and body going, and more bling bling to pay for everything i want to do. i would learn how to fly, get my ninja 250, travel to india, paint, design, sew, knit... help my parents with their business, catch up with my buddies, plan some fun outings, meet new faces... all while acing med school. a girl can dream.

i think i have beat this thought to death. bedtime.