6.14.2006


picture update. i've been sO lazy....... katie's bday was a blast (and was a loonng time ago), mom's day (also a while ago), sister's bday at eulipia passed photoless, lots of eating and sightseeing with d, (& arlene & nick & me cuz) also passed photoless, seeing my homegirls and ddongseng, and coming up... sister's graduation O_o, me 24th (time for another tatt?), and papi's day! as for the lines in b/w...? jus keepin on. ^________^ Posted by Picasa

V for VICTORIOUS.

6.12.2006


toot toot Posted by Picasa

6.02.2006

dear anonymous reader,

sometimes i feel this pang in the region between my throat and my stomach, slowly coursing from one point to the other and back again. i feel an uncontrollable warble in my voice that makes me afraid to speak, otherwise my eyes would soon follow suit in a release of tell-tale tears. my mind repeats sentimental ideas and i'm lost to nostalgia and what-ifs. and most frightening of all, my heart feels weighed down in hopelessness and dissatisfaction.

is this the outcome of creating a creature with starry-eyed idealistic dreams, without the practical foundations to come anywhere close to achieving them? or is this the plight of most of humanity? ever dreaming but ever falling short?

my bipolar mind tells me that these feelings will dissipate with the next burst of happy happy neurotransmitters that course through my body, living out my non-negotiable statement that life is exquisite, rather than desperately convincing myself that this is true. yet i can't deny the truths and realities of both states of mind, and the jewels of insight they offer. moreover, i seem doomed to harbor the presence of both states in a slightly schizophrenic and good angel/bad angel kind of scenario, the battle consuming much of who i am.

perhaps the disconnect stems from the still developing understanding of myself. the ego must be firmly established in order to organize the world around it. or must it be kept private to slip past the radars of egos which may feel threatened by an ego too imposing, so that it itself can find happiness in its nuclear existence? a niche would be nice. but is a niche ever enough?

in a candid state of mind,

teesa