heh. don't worry, i haven't gone bipolar.

i feel like dancing snoopy INSIDE when i think about how fucking awesome life is, but it's more of a deep joy and appreciation for how beautiful and moving it all is, rather than a i'm dancing in my room kinda happy. ^__^

i really am appreciating 2006 so far. year of the dog, baybeh baybeh. my mom says i was born in the year, month, day and hour of the dog. i'm a bitch thru and thru. x} it's fun when things coincide. thoughts of why 12 is significant to humans running thru my head... two full cycles of my zodiac and here i am learning and growing, 24 in 3 months.

i always strove so hard to be strong, live life, move on, to the point where i had never fully confronted my feelings. everyone always tells you, "don't worry, be happy," "get out and enjoy life," "move on," and all the many aphorisms to help us get thru the tough spots in life. so i did. if i met failure or dissatisfaction with something, i just turned the other way, got right back up on the horse and jumped back into life.

this time i wallowed. ehehe. jk. it wasn't that bad. mebbe at times. anyways, i confronted my emotions, reflected on them, and let them run their course. and it sucked and it was consuming at times, but i'm slowly starting to feel the upward swing. and the beauty of the whole thing is, i learned SO much about myself through it, and once it's done, i feel like i'll be able to let it all go. "deal with the pain head-on, so it won't build up and kick you in the ass down the road," [jolie-ism] which believe me, a lot of things have, hard. one of my new goals this year is to confront all the crap i've been avoiding since i was 3. then mebbe i can finally get over all these demons tripping me up when life really counts.

humans are fucking amazing creatures. and sf.... SF. i wish i had carried my camera around these past 2 weeks [i'll try to be good next time i'm out and about]. so fucking beautiful, majestic, alive, dazzling.