Life is so funny sometimes.

Happy 100th day, D.

<3 T

today marks david and my three month anniversary together. never thought we'd make it to this point, but i suppose a number of factors have propelled us forward past our incongruities and disputes. some of those factors would include countless moments of laughter and mutual support, but mostly, david's steadfast belief that our relationship is worth an inordinate amount of effort, patience, and sacrifice. he's given me a strong shoulder to lean on and even more so, a hand that leads. i, unconsciously, have found myself in a place of complacence--which brings just what it should: comfortable and easy happiness. i find it both pleasing and displeasing. it's easy to be led, but i would much rather be the flame that dies within its own force than the moth that withers from its heat. this complacency has its roots in more than our relationship; it began when i realized the extent of my power as an individual, as well as the far-reaching power of emulation. i decided to live out my own life to the fullest without any apologies, but it has become a fine line to tread because an egocentric life can easily lapse into a nuclear one--it's the difference between making a mark on this world and finding a place in this world. the former drives my philanthropic goals, while the latter makes me want to shut out all of the strife and controversy in this world and hide in a bubble of complacency. complacency. contentment.

it's been a long month. feels like i've always been in med school, like this daily deficiency in sleep and feelings of academic inadequacy didn't start just 4 weeks ago. each day we go through an obscene amount of material; all information we should know for our future profession. there's never a satisfactory point where i feel like there's nothing more i can study on the material. it's an unending pursuit of knowledge. and lots of it.
but of course, i'm only focusing on the negatives as usual. i wouldn't trade all of this for anything in the world. every moment, i know that what i'm learning has a very clear and direct purpose--to train me to become a competent physician. the muscles and nerves we memorize, the cellular aberrations and stains we have to distinguish, and the human sensitivities we're tuned to; they elicit our fascination and further inquiry because we know now it's not about grades, but about people's lives.
amongst my classmates, i've met the most amazing people--people who do it all and still have time for more. people i respect and admire for their vision, determination, and will to follow through. and then again for their openness, their talents, and their energy.
i wish i could capture the experience thus far, but i've always been terrible with details so i'll have to leave it at these sweeping statements. plus, a little sleep wouldn't hurt me right now.
happy september~