i hear your pain
i see your tears
your sadness emanates
it flows thru the space between you and me
i absorb the sorrow
it sinks into a deep dark well
sturdy and protected
filled with our fragility
my heart reaches out
to soften the raw nakedness
my eyes and ears are wide open
eating the heavy air
tomorrow i wake up and feel listless
my home suddenly feels too quiet and still
i neither cry for you
nor eulogize your death
but here i am
writing reflections at a cafe
heavy and thoughtful
full with sadness
...
war, loss, med school, breakup
reasons or not
explanations or not
we are just human
the well can break
it can overflow
it can be slowly emptied
and easily refilled
we eat our fill of sadness
until we can't take another ounce
then it slowly flows back out
finding any path out into the light
in our steps, in the lines around our eyes
the curve of our mouths
the sound of our voice
the color we see the sky
the way we understand the past
the way we move forward
the way i see me
and the way i see us
eating sadness
tasting it purging it
sharing it healing it
feeling it leaving it.
2.13.2009
2.01.2009
2009
can't believe it's 2009 already--boards are a couple months away, third year rotations begin soon after, i'm 27 in june and that's pretty dang old, trung and i are almost hitting our 2 year anniversary, and my dad's hitting the big 6-5 this year. where did the time go?
i guess it's a good thing that i wasn't counting the hours from boredom, but part of me is sad that so much time and energy had to go into school and not much else, and now 2008 is gone forever. a couple of years ago, i felt like being "old" was so far away... now it suddenly feels like there's not enough time to do everything in one lifetime. there's also this urgency... this feeling that i have to get so much done in the next few years, before my dad succumbs to his tired body and before adulthood settles in once and for all.
i hope all the sacrifices i'm making now will be ultimately worthwhile and that one day, i can make up for lost time with friends, family, art, music, travel, and life in general. 2 more years of the med school bubble and then back to the bay to pop it... if only there were more hours in the day, less sleep needed to keep my mind and body going, and more bling bling to pay for everything i want to do. i would learn how to fly, get my ninja 250, travel to india, paint, design, sew, knit... help my parents with their business, catch up with my buddies, plan some fun outings, meet new faces... all while acing med school. a girl can dream.
i think i have beat this thought to death. bedtime.
i guess it's a good thing that i wasn't counting the hours from boredom, but part of me is sad that so much time and energy had to go into school and not much else, and now 2008 is gone forever. a couple of years ago, i felt like being "old" was so far away... now it suddenly feels like there's not enough time to do everything in one lifetime. there's also this urgency... this feeling that i have to get so much done in the next few years, before my dad succumbs to his tired body and before adulthood settles in once and for all.
i hope all the sacrifices i'm making now will be ultimately worthwhile and that one day, i can make up for lost time with friends, family, art, music, travel, and life in general. 2 more years of the med school bubble and then back to the bay to pop it... if only there were more hours in the day, less sleep needed to keep my mind and body going, and more bling bling to pay for everything i want to do. i would learn how to fly, get my ninja 250, travel to india, paint, design, sew, knit... help my parents with their business, catch up with my buddies, plan some fun outings, meet new faces... all while acing med school. a girl can dream.
i think i have beat this thought to death. bedtime.
11.06.2008
Hwa Boon (Flower Pot) - Alex Chu
멀리서 멀리서 멀리서 그대가 오네요
From far, far, far away, you're coming
이 떨리는 마음을 어떻게 말해야 하나요
How am I to express these quaking feelings?
그댄 처음부터 나의 마음을 빼앗고
You stole my heart from the very start,
나을수 없는 병을 내게 주었죠
You gave me an illness without cure.
화분이 될래요 나는 늘 기도하죠
I want to become a flower pot, I constantly pray that...
난 그대 작은 창가에 화분이 될게요
I will be the small flower pot on your little window sill.
아무 말 못해도 바랄수 없어도
Even if I won't be able to say a word, or expect anything.
가끔 그대의 미소와 손길을 받으며
From time to time, I'll receive your smile and caresses
잠든 그대 얼굴 한없이 볼 수 있겠죠
And would endlessly look upon your sleeping face.
멀리도 멀리도 멀리도 그대가 가네요
Far far far away you're leaving.
떨어지는 눈물을 어떻게 달래야 하나요
How do I soothe these falling tears?
그댄 처음부터 나의 마음을 가졌고
You had my heart from the very start,
나을수 없는 병을 앓게 한거죠
and caused me an illness without cure.
화분이 되고픈 나는 늘 기도하죠
I desire to become a flower pot, I always pray that
난 그대 작은 창가에 화분이 될게요
I will be the small flower pot on your little window sill.
아무 말 못해도 바랄수 없어도
Even if I won't be able to say a word, or expect anything.
가끔 그대의 미소와 손길을 받으며
From time to time, I'll receive your smile and caresses
잠든 그대 얼굴 한없이 볼 수 있겠죠
And would endlessly look upon your sleeping face.
난 그대 작은 창가에 화분이 될게요
I will be the small flower pot on your little window sill.
아무 말 못해도 바랄수 없어도
Even if I won't be able to say a word, or expect anything.
가끔 그대의 미소와 손길을 받으며
From time to time, I'll receive your smile and caresses
잠든 그대 얼굴 한없이 볼 수 있겠죠
And would endlessly look upon your sleeping face.
From far, far, far away, you're coming
이 떨리는 마음을 어떻게 말해야 하나요
How am I to express these quaking feelings?
그댄 처음부터 나의 마음을 빼앗고
You stole my heart from the very start,
나을수 없는 병을 내게 주었죠
You gave me an illness without cure.
화분이 될래요 나는 늘 기도하죠
I want to become a flower pot, I constantly pray that...
난 그대 작은 창가에 화분이 될게요
I will be the small flower pot on your little window sill.
아무 말 못해도 바랄수 없어도
Even if I won't be able to say a word, or expect anything.
가끔 그대의 미소와 손길을 받으며
From time to time, I'll receive your smile and caresses
잠든 그대 얼굴 한없이 볼 수 있겠죠
And would endlessly look upon your sleeping face.
멀리도 멀리도 멀리도 그대가 가네요
Far far far away you're leaving.
떨어지는 눈물을 어떻게 달래야 하나요
How do I soothe these falling tears?
그댄 처음부터 나의 마음을 가졌고
You had my heart from the very start,
나을수 없는 병을 앓게 한거죠
and caused me an illness without cure.
화분이 되고픈 나는 늘 기도하죠
I desire to become a flower pot, I always pray that
난 그대 작은 창가에 화분이 될게요
I will be the small flower pot on your little window sill.
아무 말 못해도 바랄수 없어도
Even if I won't be able to say a word, or expect anything.
가끔 그대의 미소와 손길을 받으며
From time to time, I'll receive your smile and caresses
잠든 그대 얼굴 한없이 볼 수 있겠죠
And would endlessly look upon your sleeping face.
난 그대 작은 창가에 화분이 될게요
I will be the small flower pot on your little window sill.
아무 말 못해도 바랄수 없어도
Even if I won't be able to say a word, or expect anything.
가끔 그대의 미소와 손길을 받으며
From time to time, I'll receive your smile and caresses
잠든 그대 얼굴 한없이 볼 수 있겠죠
And would endlessly look upon your sleeping face.
11.04.2008
9.28.2008
9.17.2008
Soju's new pet
Soju got very lonely and cantankerous after Latte disappeared, so we adopted Sake from a rescue agency. They're getting along nicely :). Sake, welcome to your new home!
MISSING SINCE MAY 9, 2008
Latte -- very loved and missed.
With us Dec. 25, 2007 -- May 9, 2008
Hope you're with a good family little piggy.
7.19.2008
4.29.2008
updates!
wow, 2008 is almost half over. can't believe it's summer once again in sacto and i'm still pluggin away at this med business. so many things have changed over the past year -- life is definitely looking rosier :). some quick picture updates below.
9.06.2007
9.05.2007
the newest addition to the family
yuju: fermented horse's milk...an old school alcoholic beverage for korean queens?
(sis came up with that one)(i call her gongjoo, "princess")
8.24.2007
6.13.2007
africa
this trip is a dream come true. i love international medicine more than ever, and have been lethally bitten by the travel bug. my US squatter ways are officially dead. i foresee a lot of flying in the next 10 years.
next on the list: innndia & the p.i.'s.
more to come when i am back in the states.
salakaleh.
next on the list: innndia & the p.i.'s.
more to come when i am back in the states.
salakaleh.
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