i am feeling much better now. wut a LONG weekend... first the 3+ hour hike up mt.diablo w/ my cuzn talking about all manner of things (but mostly our parents), then dinner with her husband and another married couple and their 1.5 yr old kid. very cute, but i'm glad i usually hang out with ppol my own age cuz that marriage/family stuff can get to you. then clubbing with my cuzn. yah. i didn't know married people and 30+ people could party like that. man allll nite. then 2 hours of sleep and off to my first day of motorcycle lessons. :D very excited. then errands, home, SLEEP. dinner. more sleep. then up to the city with the folks to see the tibet exhibit at the asian art museum (worthwhile). farmer's market, a nice fusion lunch, and a drive around the marina then back home. it's so amazing how domestically centralized their lives are cuz all they know is their work and our family. it was interesting to hear their comments about the pieces. "their buddhas have so many arms and heads..." ehehe... then hurry and pack for camping trip at henry coe park. it has a nice view of the stars going for it and...mm, and that's about it. oh! they had an evening program where a lil old man came to talk about the park. he spoke very fondly of the flora and fauna. drink, eat, drink. another couple hours of sleep, home, lunch, more sleep. and now i am feeling ^_^. time to get crackin on the essays and job stuff once again. **new insights/lessons from the weekend: my parents need to go on more dates, parking at mission college is only $2!!, i have ulcers again >:P, i don't know a very important part of myself, california is known as the golden state b/c of the gold hills, asians are genius. 

this is how i feel right now. 

this is how i felt all day. fuck introspective essays.

i'm 23 and taking a step back, i see that i still have a lot of growth ahead of me. to one day walk with the confidence and grace of a 50-year-old woman who knows herself and exactly what she wants out of life and how she wants it, and glows with her certainty, is something i'm looking forward to.

sometimes you know it'll be bad for you--like ice cream for lactose-intolerant people, or a whole box full of gourmet chocolate cookies for someone on a diet--but you know the experience will be so f*ing good that you INDULGE. one or two bites is like a tease, because it's so good you want more. but if you have more, it's not so great anymore and you regret it afterwards. then, they complicate things by coming out with studies saying chocolate (or whatever) is good for you, but only certain types--the dark and pure kind. then i have to ask myself, do i want this chocolate everyday or just a taste? or should i try to avoid it altogether so the temptation doesn't arise? then i find myself reaching over for another bite...  

"My fair one, let us swear an eternal friendship." ~Moliere
 

just because. 

bah

inadequate sleep is no fun. i was so excited about finding housing that i couldn't take my hand off the mouse till 4:30AM, then i unrealistically set my alarm for 9AM to make it to a 11:30AM lunch in the city. HA.
din't wake up till 10:10AM, din't leave till 11:45AM, and lunch became dinner. i think i scared alfie a few times with my half-conscious driving. O_o still, i took a nice lil tour of ucsf, stopped by all the rite places, checked out the nearby housing, grabbed some yummy (but luke warm >:P) taiyaki, got lost at the marina (again), had a delish dinner at pier 39, and chocolate truffles and mini (orgasmic) donuts for dessert. plus i finally got all the s.am pix from my frenz so SCRAPBOOK TIME! i'm such a geek... :D
sigh* i luvs the city. i can't wait till i'm living there. and yay! some of my girls'll be up there too. now i jus hafto find a gud place and a lucrative job to pay the bills. and get my motorcycle license, and a nice bike. whee.
in the meantime, i need some steady income... so back to the hostess/waitress apps. xP
but for now, sweet sweet slumber.

oops

realized the link for the palm-reading site din't go up rite--but it's fixed now. :D

tomorrow i go job and pad shopping in my favorite city. if anyone has info on high paying jobs and cheap ass rent in sf, do share s'il vous plait!

i didn't know semester schools started so early. all the public sf schools started today. >:P wth, summer is not over yet! BUT cal has some kuL extension classes in sf, like medical virology ~ funfunfun. yes, i am serious. how do i get finaid for extension classes????? ?_?

i think i have malaria. i've been feeling iggy for days but no coughing or sneezing. but then again, could be pms...

jus brain farts today. verbal vomit everyday. substance is for the idle. petty details are inevitable by-products of a busybody. wth am i talking about? more vv.

i always wanted to get my palm read for the helluvit... i went once in high school with my best guy buddy at the time, howard, and some of his friends. we were standing outside the psychic lady's house (over on el camino, k-street), and they had us waiting to see madam whohaw (forgot her title). chillen in the parking lot, we started joking around about floating balls and fortunetelling (well, i sorta started it and everyone else laughed nervously), and then we realized that there was an open window next to us and they had heard everything. next thing yu kno, madam whohawhaw's doorman with the deep voice says, "madam whoblah is not seeing anyone today." so that was the end of my almost palm-reading session.

anyways, i was reminded of all this today when my cousin-in-law, peter, started reading palms and doing all this personality test stuff at dinner today (yummy galbi =9) so it got me googling, jus for the helluvit. and THEN, i found this KUUUUL site where you can get a free palm reading (sorta. yu'll see wut i mean). they send it in seconds and no catches. yay for free stuff!

http://www.ofesite.com/spirit/palm/readself.htm

Is it accurate? Probably not. Is it fun? Fun enough as a late night distraction. :)

Me palms says:

First let's take a look at your Life Line. You have the best kind of Life Line, long and clearly marked. This shows that you will possess good health, vitality and a very nice life expectancy. The wide swooping motion of your Life Line indicates strength, enthusiasm and an improved love life. The little lines you see extending downward from your Life Line are indicators of your tendency to waste your energy.

Now let's see what your Head Line had to say. Your Head Line is deep, long and straight, stretching across the palm. This indicates a logical and direct way of thinking. The straighter the line, the more realistic the thinking, and the deeper the line, the better the memory. Your Head Line is short, which tends to show a tendency towards 'physical' thinking rather than reflection. You may be impulsive. The short, upcurved quality of your Head Line indicates that you tend to have a short attention span. Some people may call you a scatterbrain. If your Head Line is forked near the middle of your palm, it shows an important new interest. If it is forked at the end, it shows a descent into second childhood. The joining of your Head Line and Life Line at the beginning indicates that your strong sense of mind generally rules over your body. You also look at childhood with a cautious and fearful outlook.

The last line we'll look at is your Heart Line. A selfish and materialistic look at love is characteristic to those like you whose Heart Line start below the middle finger. A long Heart Line like yours, running almost all the way across the palm, represents an idealist in love. In love you tend to look for those whose status rises above your own, and you have a great respect for them.

You have a conical hand. This is often the type of hand shared by people who are more interested in theory than practice. This is the hand of the imaginative and creative spirit. Professions of people who share this type of hand usually include teacher, lawyer or artist.

laughed my brains out last nite. san jose improv club was better than i expected, with nice theatre style seating and good drinks. feat some reggie steele dood, esaw something, and bill bellamy--bellamy being the most famous but esaw brought the house down. this dood was seriously drunk or something but had the greatest delivery.

one part, he gets really serious like he's seriously f*ed up, and he starts saying stuff like "we can't trust the government. you have to be careful about what people tell you; don't just believe everything they say. think about the why and question... blah blah."

and we're sitting there going, "wtf?"

then after 10 minutes of this, he goes, "blahblah...the government is brainwashing the world... like 2-ply toilet paper. i always buy the one-ply kind. wtf you need 2-ply for when you're gonna fold it up anyways? gotta think!" haha, maybe yu had to be there.

oOh..can't wait till russell peters comes to town.


www.compfused.com/directlink/765/
the famous fainting goats of tennessee. watch their tails :D

this would be so depressing if it were real... 

WOOHOO!

finally sent that sucker off! contrary to expectations, it's not easier the 2nd time. and it's not necessarily better. but hopefully, since it's kinda on time this time (noticin lotsa "times" involved with apps) i'll have a better shot at my choice schools.

geez, wut a trip.
first all the inconclusiveness of the waitlist (which is still going on btw, but i've decided to pretty much let it run its course without thought), then the big decision to reapply (see previous post), then south america, then coming back to the reality of apps. and wut a bitch. amcas really needs to update their "course work" section so that you don't have to input all of your trillion classes one slow page at a time.

MUCHAS GRACIAS to all who suffered through my OCD-ness and helped critique my essay. after 7 official drafts (prolly 20 unofficially), a stack of printer paper, a 4-hour conversation on my motivations and my atheist beliefs (latter was a tangent), and numerous outing flakes (but no more!), i am DONE. my 5300 character essay on my affinity and plans for medicine has been submitted, along with a $880 VISA payment to facilitate the process (still cringing)(cringing further thinking of the thousands more i'll spend on secondaries).

tomorrow i start job shopping. teesa the waitress--how may i serve you? :D hopefully, someone will hire my inexperienced arse b/c i need lotsa money fast. i really should pursue that bartending thing... bank AND free alcohol. :D oh and my motorcycle license! need someone to show me the ropes. SO MANY THINGS TO DO NOW THAT I'M FREE! WOOHOO!

we celebrated my daddy's 61st birthday today--well, technically, yesterday. we went to boopay (that's buffet for yu non-fobs) and sang at-home-noraebang (karaoke)--the shamefully embarrassing kind where your mom and aunt are dancing like battery-operated boogie dolls, and you're swaying back and forth with your sister and cousins slightly buzzed off wine, as your father and uncle belt out a shigol (ol skool asian country) sob-song. Funny how the shamefully embarrassing moments in life are sometimes the most enjoyable and intimate of experiences. Happy birthday, daddy. 

lol

"they say that life is a game.
they say that love is a game.
they even say that work is a game (it sure doesn't feel like it).
and that you need to play it right.

if everything's a game then where are the damn cheats. help a homie out."

one by one the pictures are coming up. :) maybe by the end of the year, i'll have a sizeable number up. here i am trying to look like a seasoned traveler on top of wayna picchu, the suuuper high peak next to macchu picchu. a bitch of a hike but worth every one of those thousand or so steps. south america was a great reminder of my dreams and goals--it fed my passion to make them all happen. funny how i needed to travel to another continent for that push. talking to a friend yesterday, i realized i am an inspiration addict. being inspired is a great drug--maybe better than crack? can't say cuz i haven't been on it, but i've been close, and inspiration works so much better. it's a nice reminder that we only have one life to live and we should make the most of it. trite but tru. 

parasailing off the coast of lima, peru. july 2005. 

oh the possibilities...

it's that time again to decide what to do with my life next. shall i travel to some exotic land and live off tubers and chicken? train to be an emt/researcher/clinician and make some moolah? explore the metropolitan life in the big apple? hit the books once more and relive my student days? or acquire my motorcycle license and be a hobo? oh the possibilities...

at the moment, only one thing is sure: i want to live largely, deeply, and fully. trace back to those days when idealistic visions were the only reality i knew and believed in. to take leaps, unafraid to follow the rose-colored image in place of the practical one. if i achieve this, it would be the greatest thing to happen to me in my post-high school life--evading the drudgery of adulthood. to eternal youth.

. 

home sweet home!

i'm finally back home! glory be! i din't know it would feel this wonderful but it is truly WONdERFUL. the sweet familiarity and comfort of home; unpacking those bags and slipping into some bummy tank and shorts, petting my dog, and hearing the heart-warming sounds of my family carrying on in their oh-so-familiar ways.

it's late but i just had to mark this momentous occasion.

song playing in my head: do yu kno the way to san jose? doodoodoodoodoodoodoodooodooodoooo.....

for mai homegirls...

i wrote the email first!

another sporadic update from peru! i kno i´ve been bad with my blog... didn´t think it´d be quite so inconvenient getting internet access. but i´ve been keeping a faithful journal of all my journeys so i´ll eventually post up a synopsis WITH pictures. :)
so i´m on the last leg of my trip now... in the humid and hothothot city of iquitos, peru--amazon land. the warm weather makes me want to eat and siesta all the time; i´m starting to look like one of those tropical women in those huge mumus.
just got back from the jungle yesterday. tough shit. i got eaten alive by the mosquitos. i think i´m over 20 bites now...they´re so relentless. but it was definitely worth the extra trip. did yall know every inch of the amazon river is brown? full of silt and activity. and that´s what they pump for shower water. yall don´t want to be anywhere near me right now. it´s gorgeous tho. heavy, dark water teeming with brightly-colored birds and fish and pink dolphins. and the river is low at this time of year, so the mud beaches are open for the taking. our group stripped down to our undies and took the best mud bath ever. with little one inch frogs jumping around us and dolphins a few yards away.
an animal trainer was staying at our lodge and he rescued some baby animals from the food market--a couple turtles, a baby caiman (mini alligatorish thing), and a baby sloth. the sloth was so adorable. she looks like a monkey but moves like a slug and clings to you like those trolley dolls. dun be surprised if i come back with something moving under my jacket. totally illegal but so tempted...
and there was a kid there shooting something for animal planet--we called him bug boy cuz he is a bug genius. he picked up a HUGE cockroach in our bungalow without a moment´s hesitation. and he pointed out a bird-eating spider (they do exist!), living right outside one of our group´s bungalow. apparently, it´s the 3rd deadliest spider in the world.
the group was terrific--a couple crazy canadians, a handful of witty europians, and the cute american (that´s me btw. heh.). the canadians had jus gotten back from an ihuasca (sp?) ceremony, where you chug a hallucinogen in the dark with lots of chanting and do a group barf fest. sounded like an intense frat pledge test with drugs. one dood thought he was talking to god... O_o

macchu picchu conquered!

we're back in lima after a 3 day trip to cuzco and macchu picchu. wut an eyefull. the tourist aspects were annoying -- horrible horrible attempts at american food, higher charges for us "unassuming" tourists, and "japonesa, chinois" left and right--but the country landscape was enchanting, the kindness of many locals heart-warming, and the overall experience memorable.

the incas' achievements blow my mind. paved trails and precisely cut stone steps climbing up thousands of feet to incredible heights. their sense of beauty and harmony with the mountains is reflected in the perfect appropriateness of macchu picchu's presence, seemingly carved by some deity's hand into the side of the mountain.

aguas calientes, the village at the feet of macchu picchu, was a hard lesson in tourism. our first taste of what we call "chish" -- fried fish sticks that have the consistency of chicken. we thought they brought out the wrong dish. very disconcerting. elena made friends with a dog named "orejas"--"ears" for the big floppy bloodhound ears on his head. he wouldn't leave her alone while we ate dinner (yes, in the restaurant) and she can't say no to things on four legs. the dogs here are like squirrels in LA, EVERYWHERE. from far away they look okay, but as you get closer, you realize they're all funny looking. their heads and bodies don't match at all. it's like someone went "chop" and played mix and match with them.

free-running kids are just as plentiful as the doggies. but they're much cuter. they love the trail mix bars. too bad we didn't bring kuLer stuff, like pencils and notebooks. it's so sad... they wander the streets and sell guds or beg for money in the most pitiful voices. there's so many, i'm not sure how to help. i wish i could hug them all and shower them with opportunities.

tomorro we're going to visit the clinics armed with our 200 toothbrushes and toothpastes. tonite, however, is play time cuz more of our group just arrived. pisco sours all around! "the" peru drink. a little bit of white wine, egg whites, and other stuff. reminiscent of a margarita. if we wake up in time, paragliding along the coast. for 25 bucks! everything's a bargain here.

the pictures will be up soon... promise. just need to figure out where to keep em.

ciao for now.

hola para cusco!

over 72 hours and many number 2´s later, i think we´re getting the hang of this. the food deprivation began in san jose (san jO!), costa rica. no water, no uncooked foods, nothing cold. i ate the shittiest egg mcmuffin, smaller than my palm, for 4 bucks. we walked the airport back and forth at least 6 times (in search of a very kuL souvenir-- pix later). but to the eyes, costa rica is a visual heaven. as we flew over the coast and towards the city´s airport, the endless cluster of green hills evoked the thought, "this is paradise..." not a spot of brown on the landscape below us. little houses speckled the tops of each gentle peak and stretched out to orchards, and then to the upward slope of yet another slope, radiating in all directions.
unfortunately, we never left the airport. the customs process and reentry would´ve taken more than the 3 hours we had, but i definitely plan to explore on my flight back.

the south american landscape screamed, "i am grand, impressive, expansive, magnificent." the mountains are on a wholly different scale, brown and austere in their stalwart stance. i thought i saw trails paved along the ridges, smooth light brown curves...mind-boggling.

a short 2 hour nap later, we were over lima, the desert capitol of peru. the buildings look like matchboxes, highly flammable and inescapably boxy. from the ground, they are strangely reminiscent of the barrios of seoul... shrn greeted us at the airport with our taxi drivers, luis and miguel. classic.

the next 2 days, we ate, partied, shopped, and wandered the streets. UNbelievable coffee and chocolate. ridiculously cheap clothes. oy, gotta go. more details later.

and the adventure begins...

tomorrow, something AM, the trip begins. woohOo! and at the same time, shiT. ehehe. i have nothing packed rite now, no rooms reserved after the first third of the trip, no itinerary, in fact, and my spanish still ends at "si." on the flip side, i do have a HUGE backpack [i'll make sure to take some pix on the trip of me falling over trying to carry the thing], hiking boots, three vaccines, and some craZy travel buddies. bring it.

i'm not sure what to expect. only that i want to truly observe the culture and people there, and experience the abundant natural wonders (waterfalls, citadels, rainforest, lakes...) it would've been so tite if we could've fit the galapagos islands in, but the boat trip costs a whopping 600 bucks. definitely not a trip for the starving student.

i've got a little over 200 toothbrush and toothpaste sets to donate to the kids in the shantytowns outside of Lima, Peru. they have nutrition deficiencies, high infant and child mortality rates, and high infection rates. i'm not sure how much help toothbrushes will be, but i'm hoping once i'm amongst them, i can figure out what they need and help them in the future. their parents move to Lima, the big city of Peru, in hopes of finding jobs. the slums surround the city, full of these hopeful workers. i wonder how many break free...

machu picchu is on our first week's itinerary, then a detour to argentina's buenos aires, "the paris of south america," and hopefully, a stop in chile--the closest point to the antarctic.

29 days. i have this strange feeling that i'll fall so in love with the country that i'll want to move there. there's something about grandiose expanses of nature and earthy subsistences that's so magnetic. i always had this small desire in the back of my mind to live among the tibetan monks. tibetan monks, rural aztecs...what's the allure?

without a doubt, i'll miss norcal. knowing i'll be back for a bit helps with the separation. but these past six months felt... so right. truly, there is no place like home. rediscovering norcal has been mind-expanding and life-altering in the way that chance situations can be, micro move by micro move. who knows how the experiences of the past few months will affect my future... whatever it holds. i only know, i'm a few good friends richer, a few hard lessons wiser, and that much more rooted in norcal.

why are we such slaves to our thoughts and emotions? i wish there was a way to bypass feelings so i could get some shit done and stop binge-ing on carbs.

countdown: 3 more days until the adventure begins... 3 more days!

i got it. gawrd it fucking hurt. but meng, was it worth it.

one birthday i definitely won't forget.


muchas gracias por mi amiga, who could hurt me more to divert the pain, and even offered to sing. ;]

clean edit with THIN THIN lines -_-;; 

pencil sketch of most likely candidate 

most painful one cuz of all the ink 

prototype i ~ kinda fuzzy cuz pencil scans like pupu. all are variations of the gemini (II) and diamond thing with a floral accent. 

it's been a while...

i am under semi-voluntary house arrest because:
i. my parents can't get out of the habit of treating me like a 14-year-old and they don't want me out past sunset. i could rebel, but seeing as how i'll be 23-years-old in about an hour, it seems futile and frankly, i feel too fucking old to muster up the energy.

ii. father's day is sunday. despite the fact that he can be really hard on me at times, he is the best papa ever. and my hero. i owe him a nice, resentment-free dinner (at the least).

iii. AND he's so rite. sigh. admitting defeat always sucks. i am in deeep denial and need to start using my brain for something productive. my future's at stake and i've been blocking it out with garbage.

iv. i dun want to have anything more to do with alky. every time i go out, someone mentions alky. why does everyone want to get me drunk? dun offer it to me. dun drink it around me. dun tempt me. addiction is inherent to my personality. lez not send teesa to aa.

v. south america is fast approaching and i still haven't made reservations. in fact, i have no itinerary for the last 2/3 of the trip. and my spanish still ends at "buenas dias."

vi. i'm weird. my birthday causes heightened hermitting behaviors. every year. my girls can attest to this eh? i even said i was gonna stop this year, but as it got closer and closer, i got hermitier and hermitier.

vii. BUT, i AM getting a tattoo tomorrow. at least it'll be memorable--in a very painful sort of way. i can't tell if it's gonna look good tho. i'll put it up in the next post--call me BEFORE NOON tomorrow if you have any suggestions or think it's a mistake cuz i'm getting that sucker inked permanently at 2.

viii. LA........woulda cost me bank. $$ i dun have. this is wat i get for quitting early. but the freedom was wunnerful.

ix. um, i could prolly pull more ish outta mai bootay to somehow relate everything to why i am BLAH today, but then it would jus be ish outta mai bootay.

x. because lists of 10 seem more complete.

time for new beginnings. perhaps i'll find it this time.

Happy 17th Birthday Suzie. You are one of the greatest luvs of my life, dongseng--right beneath Happy. ;) 

*notice how i got everything in the rite order this time (except for this entry)? yay for me! ^^;; doOd, this is f*ing annoying. does anyone know how to post multiple pictures in one post???

correction: the closer movie song is actually called "the blower's daughter" by damien rice. mai bad. wut the hell is a blower?

korean drama of the moment: wiyum han sarang (dangerous love). it sux but gotta be loyal to the blood. we'll see how long i last. most korean dramas drive me nuts. korean movies on the other hand...... <3<3<3

"taegukgi hwinarlimyeo" (literally, waving the korean flag) blew my mind. as did the two hot stars. yumm. 

but my favorite korean actor of them all: yoo oh sung (far left). gawrd he's so talented ("chingoo") and so f*ng funny in jooyuso (gasoline station). plus he's played so many other dynamic characters--something about his face/persona. so expressive. *_* 

song of the moment: can't take my eyes off of you, from the closer soundtrack--so gud in its entirety. a nice acoustic/accapella-ish sound.
also gud: previous song of the moment: you and me, lifehouse.

i jus realized my entries are backwards. i meant to do that. testing all yur cerebral skills. gawd i'm so cheesy. this is a pic of the menu at ASQEW---yummmmm, jus thinking about it makes my mouth water. went shopping today at haight--so much eye candy, but the nice stuff is bank. famished after a few hours of walking in and out of the stores, so fud time! a huge THANK U to hairy for introducing me to this place. omgosh it was soooo yummy. i got the honey dijon chicken skewer with grilled pear salad and it just squished and melted in my mouth. if yur ever in the marina in frisco, u gotta check out this place. now i have yet another reason for luving the city. 

me and hottie alex. my eyes are so tiny; indicative of very advanced stages of drunkitis. the cameraman prolly was too, seeing how 50% of the picture is wasted on air. 

...that being said, i couldn't waste a perfectly gud weekend SO... i had this sudden craving for soju and mai homie harold being the awesome person that he is, got me thoroughly wasted, korean style. but soju takes its sweet time, so it took a couple more drinks at the ROUGE w/ hottie alex and frenz. then it hit me like a bomb. koreans know how to make alcohol. anyways, the venue was pretty w/ chandeliers hanging every five feet or so. chairs were nice and comfy; perfect for passing out on. 

sadly, due to lack of transportation i was unable to make it down to LA this weekend. i missed AED's banquet and chartership and the opportunity to see all my AED byoots, but my heart was there and always will be. AED<3 for the outstanding people and the unwavering vision... 

in limbo

news of my future in the next few weeks, another year appended to my corporeal clock, a sojourn to another land and culture::footprints left and right, in circles, forward, backward, curvaceous, heavy, light making slow progress across a power treadmill. waiting for the next moment...

wat a gangster ride. this is why i luv frisco. 

inspired by a fellow applicant, i've decided to give it another go. starting med school a year later still means i'll be starting, plus a year of exploration. and perhaps more options when the verdicts finally come. i'm dreading those course entries tho...