Reflecting:
It’s been a long time since I last stopped and took a deep breath, and reflected. 2006 passed by in a blur—when I try to pinpoint one moment, it seems like a small drop in a massive rain of memories. Could I even remember them all if I wanted to? Or will they pop up sporadically in moments of deja vue? With everything that has happened, I feel as though I should have some tangible lessons in hand… a couple I am sure of, the rest I’m not so confident about. Being busy needs to have its limits—so much has happened, I can’t even scratch the surface of what significance it all held. I only hope, as they loom above me as a nebulous mixture of maxims and ellipses, that time will unfold the truths the experiences of this past year hold.
Walking along the beach:
There’s a special quality about the ocean—its roaring waves fill the ears until there is an encompassing silence. The silence transmits through the nerves and seems to transfuse the entire body, allowing only the echoes of one’s voice within to reverberate in the silence that surrounds. I’m reminded of my transiency and all of the simple pleasures I desire—reminded that I control my personal destiny (at least measurably in comparison to everything else) and must trust myself to accomplish all the the dreams I envision for my life. Perhaps life is a journey about the fingerprints we leave on one another’s lives, but first I would like to have hands where the lines course deep and branch plentifully.
Being alone:
It hurts, and yet, it feels like the promising salve of medicine on my life. Rationally knowing a love is doomed, then accepting it in my heart and acting accordingly creates a relieving consistency—like I’m not lying to myself anymore and trying to juggle everything around the lie. I don’t know what happens next, but hopefully time will give reason to our shared paths. And if not, I'm thankful enough for the love we shared and the wonderful ways we expanded our horizons. On the flip side, I’ve met a handful of diamonds this past year (including you D), and I’m looking forward to the friendships that will continue on and bloom and the experiences life will bring in this new chapter of my life.
...I’ve missed the city… its stretches of sand and waves on the west, the park sprouting at its center, its warm and bustling cafes smattering the many neighborhoods with their colorful and eclectic inhabitants, and the richness of life that can be felt everywhere. Whenever I'm here, I get the overwhelming sense that I belong here. One day I'll call it home again...
www2.darringer.com:8080/chris/gallery/slideshow.php?set_albumName=sfo-ocean-beach
